Opinions

Two sides of the same coin

The relationship between a school and parents is a two-way street. For best results in nurturing a child, neither should act without considering the other’s supporting role. Damian Ettinger says that this is key to the relationship

At the start of Tom Brown’s Schooldays, our hero boards the coach to start his new school life and says farewell to his parents, who hardly appear again in the story, apparently unaware of his being severely bullied, nearly drowning, facing accusations of theft and fomenting rebellion, and being on the receiving end of at least two severe canings.

Between school and parents there used to be a kind of non-interference agreement, and children operated in two separate worlds. Though there are still some pupils who wish their teachers and parents talked less to each other, it was hardly a healthy arrangement. A child’s education cannot be compartmentalised like that. A child’s first teachers are the parents, even if, after the early years, most parents share that responsibility with trained educators. This partnership needs to be continuous, almost seamless.

Good in theory
This philosophy has become well accepted; which is all very well in theory. More difficult is how to work this relationship in practice. Parents and teachers have complementary but different skills and responsibilities, and there is no avoiding the fact that there can be a fine line between co-operation and interference, in both directions.

Thankfully, at most levels, this engagement is non-contentious. There are regular teacher-parent consultations, and parents are encouraged to attend fixtures and concerts, as well as the annual prize-giving.

Children seek affirmation and approval, most of all from their parents. When that affirmation is forthcoming, a child understands that their efforts and achievements at school have value.

Then there is fundraising. Through parents’ associations, many parents are tireless in their efforts to boost a school’s income, to help pay for special equipment, all-weather pitches, even theatres and music schools: all this despite the fact that school costs, and therefore school fees, often increase annually.

Independence allows schools to be creative and ambitious in every aspect of their educational provision. But independence comes at a price, and the work done by parents to raise extra funds is integral to the nature of such schools.

More than cash
Fundraising events are about more than the money they provide. They are set in the context of social occasions at which parents, teachers and often the pupils relate with each other in simple enjoyment. That helps to build a sense of community, something that lies at the heart of a good school. Despite Dr Arnold’s best efforts, the school Tom Brown attended had more of the look of a survival test. But if school pupils are going to flourish, they must be happy in their efforts, and that requires a sense of common purpose, mutual respect and being on friendly terms at an ordinary human level.

It is often said that teachers should not think of themselves as friends of pupils, and there is a lot of wisdom in that. But the relationship must be friendly, and that is nourished by social events, many organised by the parents, that are a key part of a school’s calendar.

When parents send their children off to school, the principal ambition is that they flourish academically, pass examinations, and lay the foundations for successful careers. But there is also the hope that the school will be a place where character will develop, a care for the well-being of others will be nurtured, and where interests and skills will be stimulated and encouraged.

In such an endeavour, a gulf between home and school can be very damaging. Mutual support and co-operation between parents and teachers is the key to success, and it would be hard to overstate the importance of the work done by parents’ associations. In the educational endeavour, school and home need to be one community, not two.

Damian Ettinger is the head of Cokethorpe School. 

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